Decisions...

Now we had to decide whether or not to take Hunter to the funeral home. Cliff and I both thought we should at least just for a few minutes but it turns out we didn't take him. We were in fear of him having a meltdown because my father in law wouldn't wake up for him. Cliff was stressed out enough and Hunter can be a handful at times and compulsive so we chose not to take him. It may not be the right decision but it was the best for us and Cliff was able to relax and greet family and friends and not feel anymore stress. Its kinda ironic but the day Clifford Sr. passed Hunter drew a picture at school with crayon and it kinda looked like grass and the sky so we decided to put that in the casket with a picture of Hunter also. The next few days seemed calmer and I was worried about the next time Hunter would be alone for the first time with my mother in law. I knew he would ask where he was and I didn't want her to get upset with answering his repetitive questions. Yesterday was the day and Hunter asked her where he was and she told him just as I did and he then asked "if  pawpaw had a sore throat?" my mother in law thought quickly and said "no he just wasn't feeling good and he went to heaven but he is ok." Hunter continued to ask her and she kept telling him the same thing. She said to me"I didn't want him to think it was a sore throat because if he got one he would think he wasn't coming back." Her and I sat on the couch talking and he came in and Hunter came in asked again and we explained and then he asked "pawpaw doesn't like us anymore?" we looked at each other and our hearts sank and she said "yes he loved everybody. he loved mommy,daddy, you and me and he is ok." He seemed ok with that answer. I was in total shock that he said that and almost relieved because my boy did somewhat understand the changes in his life. Pawpaw was his buddy. They would sing together,tell stories and dance. He loved to lock all of us and in his playroom and make us all sing and dance wtih him. Hunter loves these moments and so did my father in law. He would try to sneak out sometimes if Hunter had us in there for to long. Hunter would go right out and get him and my father in law would come right back no matter how long it took he wouldn't let Hunter down and he would sing with him.Today he asked but seemed to be ok with the answer he got and I think and hope it will get easier for him.I can not even imagine not understanding but please believe we will do everything in our power to help him through this.